There is something that we all struggle with each and every day. Wether it be drugs, alcohol, food, weight loss, or sex. Addictions come in many forms. However, it is our choice to break the cycle and change these addictions. While the “cravings” will always be there, it is up to us to choose the right path.
I posted a while back about having an emotional affair that literally almost ruined my marriage. We have since found that my addiction to emailing and posting ads stems from my depression. When my husband would go to work, I would literally feel utterly alone even though my kids were here with me.
My slip up this time has cost me and my kids greatly. Due to my actions, I have lost phone and internet privileges until January of the upcoming year. I agreed to this so don’t go getting your undies or boxers or whatever you wear up in a bunch. When I say that this has cost my kids, it means that when my husband works, they only have me to do their nighttime prayers with. Before, I would call him and he could hear them say them and talk to them for a bit before heading to bed.
All of my accounts are monitored to ensure that I am staying on track. I realize that I hurt my husband greatly. Everytime I look into his eyes, I see the hurt and pain that I caused. I had a choice not to do the things that I did. And unfortunately, I chose the wrong choice. All that I can do in the future is to keep doing as I am. I have emerged myself in church now and to combat my wayward thoughts and feelings, I have stated coloring, reading my Bible more, and keeping a prayer journal.
Ultimately, I am on my last chance with my husband. If I screw up again, I not only lose my husband, but my kids will lose having a dad full time and even a mom full time. It’s a hard road ahead of me especially since I do online school but, I know that with my husband and God’s help, I can overcome this and be a better person.
If you are struggling with an addiction of any kind, please go see a Pastor or just ask someone for help. Even if it is your family and friends. The only way to overcome addiction is to first realize that you have a problem. I realized it almost too late. But, I am glad that I did realize it. I love my family more than anything and the last thing that I want to do is to hurt them.
I have noticed that since I am on medication for my depression, that I am doing better. I still have the urges but, I combat those with reading my Bible, praying, coloring in my numerous coloring books, reading, or playing my Wii. I have also restarted the Love Dare with my husband and I have a prayer journal that I use everyday to help me stay on track. I have also resolved to start planning my vow renewal ceremony for August of next year as well. I know that with God’s help, I can beat this, I just have to set my mind to it and do it.Tags: addiction, alcohol, ask, drugs, family, food, friends, God, help, overcome, pastor, sex