We all slip and fall ⋆ SassyCountryMama

We all slip and fall

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There is something that we all struggle with each and every day.  Wether it be drugs, alcohol, food, weight loss, or sex.  Addictions come in many forms.  However, it is our choice to break the cycle and change these addictions.  While the “cravings” will always be there, it is up to us to choose the right path.

I posted a while back about having an emotional affair that literally almost ruined my marriage.  We have since found that my addiction to emailing and posting ads stems from my depression.  When my husband would go to work, I would literally feel utterly alone even though my kids were here with me.

My slip up this time has cost me and my kids greatly.  Due to my actions, I have lost phone and internet privileges until January of the upcoming year.  I agreed to this so don’t go getting your undies or boxers or whatever you wear up in a bunch.  When I say that this has cost my kids, it means that when my husband works, they only have me to do their nighttime prayers with.  Before, I would call him and he could hear them say them and talk to them for a bit before heading to bed.

Staying On Track

All of my accounts are monitored to ensure that I am staying on track.  I realize that I hurt my husband greatly.  Everytime I look into his eyes, I see the hurt and pain that I caused.  I had a choice not to do the things that I did.  And unfortunately, I chose the wrong choice.  All that I can do in the future is to keep doing as I am. I have emerged myself in church now and to combat my wayward thoughts and feelings, I have stated coloring, reading my Bible more, and keeping a prayer journal.

Last Chance

Ultimately, I am on my last chance with my husband.  If I screw up again, I not only lose my husband, but my kids will lose having a dad full time and even a mom full time.  It’s a hard road ahead of me especially since I do online school but, I know that with my husband and God’s help, I can overcome this and be a better person.

If you are struggling with an addiction of any kind, please go see a Pastor or just ask someone for help.  Even if it is your family and friends.  The only way to overcome addiction is to first realize that you have a problem.  I realized it almost too late.  But, I am glad that I did realize it.  I love my family more than anything and the last thing that I want to do is to hurt them.

I have noticed that since I am on medication for my depression, that I am doing better.  I still have the urges but, I combat those with reading my Bible, praying, coloring in my numerous coloring books, reading, or playing my Wii.  I have also restarted the Love Dare with my husband and I have a prayer journal that I use everyday to help me stay on track.  I have also resolved to start planning my vow renewal ceremony for August of next year as well.  I know that with God’s help, I can beat this, I just have to set my mind to it and do it.

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7 thoughts on “We all slip and fall”

  1. Emily says:

    Who knows the countless people you can help by your bravery in sharing your story. Praying for strength and wisdom as you traverse this rocky terrain.

    1. sassycountrymama says:

      Thank you. It has been a long and difficult journey but I have gained enough trust back from my husband to be able to be near a constant source of WiFi. I still let him check my accounts as well. But as a couple, we have definitely grown stronger because we work together instead of apart.

  2. Summer says:

    I struggle with depression and alcoholism. That was my self-destructive outlet. I wasn’t happy with my marriage and felt so alone all the time even though I was never actually alone. Funny how that works isn’t it? Earlier this year I had reached a point where if I didn’t stop drinking, I knew I never would. All that to say, I hope you find peace and are able to overcome your issues.

    1. sassycountrymama says:

      Thank you. It has been difficult but so far, I have. Six months strong and getting stronger with each passing day

  3. Liat says:

    So admirable that you are being honest and open about this. All the best to you and your family

  4. You are such a strong woman, writing about your addictions, the journey you had and how you are overcoming the evil is going to help a lot more people who are suffering from same problems. I can see you wrote this post in July, so I am hoping that you are working great towards your goal. Much power to you!

    1. sassycountrymama says:

      I have actually been doing really great so far. It is a struggle every day but I have learned that my family is way more important. I have also discovered that I do not have to be on the internet all day long either. I spend at most about four hours a day on the Internet checking emails, doing school work, and checking on my social media accounts.

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