Yes, you read that title right. It all started in September of 2015. My husband was working almost eighty hours a week at a convince store and during this time, we were becoming disconnected with each other. We had talked for quite some time about putting some “Spice” in our marriage.
This turned into us discussing swapping with another married couple. Now this “swapping” did not actually happen until November of 2016. While we were only intimate physically with this couple twice, once in November and subsequently in December of the same year, we had become severely disconnected as a married couple.
We had sinned against each other, against God, and against our marriage. In January of this year, we were supposed to meet up with this couple again and decided against it. By late January, early February, I had started hiding my phone and constantly texting the guy. It was to the point to where I started checking out of my marriage.
I was fed up with how my marriage was going because at the time, my husband was listening to me but not really hearing me. This just only made me more mentally and emotionally frustrated. I was even making plans in late February, early March to leave my husband and take our girls.
At the end of March, crap hit the fan. We had gotten into an argument and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I told him the truth about texting the other guy and that I wanted a divorce. I had even went as far as asking a friend of ours what my rights were when I left.
Reluctantly at first, I agreed to marriage counseling. I attempted to cut contact with the other person but failed miserably in the first week and was caught. I am proud to say that I did come to my senses and realize that the only reason why the grass appears greener on the other side is because they fertilize it more.
Things in April were going good for us, at least somewhat. I was still a bottle of soda ready to explode at any minute. In May, I started posting ads on Craigslist asking for physical favors. I once again, started hiding my phone and would get very defensive anytime my husband wanted to check my phone. I was in the wrong because we had made the agreement to have complete access to each other’s phones and online accounts.
Ultimately, I was caught again. My husband has already told me that this is my last chance. One more slip up, and he said that he is leaving and we would be getting a divorce. This is something that I do not want. I have been down the divorce road before and it really isn’t fun.
I am probably always going to wonder if I made the right decision. But we all have to admit that when we make decisions on anything major, we always ask ourselves “what if”. I am trying my hardest and I have to say that my husband has made a miraculous change not only in his behavior but also in how he treats me. I am now treated with respect, encouraged constantly to do my best, and supported in my current endeavors of blogging, creating YouTube videos, starting an Etsy shop, and going to school.
Yes, there are still days where we struggle. But that is normal. And I recommend anyone having marital problems to watch Fireproof, War Room, Flywheel, God’s Not Dead (both movies), and Courageous. I also encourage you to do the Love Dare book which is what inspired the movie Fireproof. These movies will really make you stop and think about how you are living your life and give you the tools that you need to fix what is wrong.
I am a sinner and I sin everyday. But, I strive to live each day better than the day before. After this current incident that I partook in, my husband didn’t have to forgive me, but I do thank God everyday that he did. Because without God, I am not too sure where I would be at today. It is hard when in a marriage you slip and having to ask for forgiveness. One thing that I have noticed is that a lot of my compulsive behavior is stemmed from my depression and bordering on a sexual addiction. However, I am being proactive in this by getting in to see my doctor to get my depression under control, starting a daily prayer journal, connecting with the ladies at church, and seeing a therapist if my doctor recommends that.Tags: affair, Courageous, emotional, Fireproof, Flywheel, God, God's Not Dead, life, Love Dare, marriage, War Room